The Secret to Happy Holidays

Day 2 of the 12 Days of Joy

What’s the Big Secret?

It’s Maintaining a Positive Flexible Attitude During the Holidays

We also call this emotional intelligence, cognitive empathy or emotional quotient. So what does this look like? Instead of being triggered and reacting, you choose your responses. Planning and thinking ahead helps your ability to choose a mindful, thoughtful response so you can experience more joy.  Elements of a positive flexible attitude/emotional intelligence include self-awareness, choosing appropriate responses (goal-directed behavior), the ability to self-motivate, relating to others, and aligning your emotions with your values. You become a deliberate creator instead of a life-is-happening-to-me-er.

The Holidays are filled with expectations, family obligations, and upholding traditions. It’s a magical time of year, but it can also be a time of year where you find yourself reacting in ways that seem out of character. Because this is the time of year to spend with family, this is also the time of year where you may be triggered by past stories. For instance, if you have felt criticized by a certain family member or you always try to get everyone’s approval, you may get angry when you perceive critical comments or people are withholding approval.

You may also feel frustrated by other people’s behavior. If someone is thoughtless, careless, or unappreciative of your efforts, do you wonder why you bothered to try to create holiday magic?

You can choose love as a response. When you feel angry and are judging others or yourself, you can pivot from this and choose to forgive, and invite love in. I like to imagine a big ocean of love. I can’t think of love and anger at the same time. As soon as I turn to loving thoughts; anger, frustration, impatience, and judgment lifts.

Where does the pressure come from anyway? Why do we have such high expectations for the Holidays? Part of the expectations is created by the holiday movies, tv shows, and commercials that create, perhaps, an unrealistic portrait of Holidays. Another piece of the puzzle is our childhood memories. We have created a Christmas story. Your story might be one filled with lavish gifts and now you are trying to re-create this. Your story might be one where there weren’t presents or a family member was always drunk, or people fought and you might try to compensate by trying to create a perfect Christmas.

When your plans allow for the normal human factor, you will have a much more peaceful holiday experience. Someone will be unhappy at some moment during the holidays, some plans will need to change ( weather, travel, work obligations, etc), and you may forget something. Take care of what you can and then let go.

Other people’s happiness and actions are not your responsibility. Are you trying to make people happy? Are you trying to control other people’s actions? You cannot change people. People change themselves when they decide to change. You can be a catalyst for positive change, but it is still up to each individual. Let yourself off the hook. It’s not your job. As you focus on your own actions, you will be much happier.

Here are some tips for managing expectations:

• Communicate clearly. Ask questions. What are the family members’ plans? What do they want to do? Let people know what time things start. If you are traveling to someone’s home, let them know when you will arrive. Be clear about presents (are you doing a gift exchange, etc).
• Ask for help. If you are not the host, offer sincere help.
• When things go wrong, take a pause. Take a deep breath in and out. Think before you speak.
• Think simple. Keep asking yourself, how can I make this simple? Can you make something ahead of time? Can you order it from somewhere? Can you bake fewer cookies? etc.
• Laugh more. When you laugh instead of getting uptight, you release tension.
• Ask, yourself, is this my business? Most of the time, it’s not.
• If you are the recipient of unwanted advice, you can practice the pause and let go of a defensive response.
• Make “I am flexible”  your mantra.
• Manage your self-talk. Notice your inner voice or inner critic. Switch that around. If you find yourself saying, “How could I make a mistake like that?” Switch it to “I am human. I am lovable. It’s okay that everything isn’t perfect.”

Journal Prompt:

How will I manage expectations and maintain a positive flexible attitude during the Holiday Season?

If you liked this, you will love my article on managing emotions during difficult challenges

Sheri Kaye Hoff

Coach, Trainer, and Author, Sheri Kaye Hoff, is a Business Coach known for inspiring massive action and a catalyst for personal and business growth, joy, and profits in a way that is fun, relaxing, and fulfilling, Sheri inspires people to do the work they love and make more money. Sheri helps business owners and professionals to relax into success. She uses both spiritual and practical techniques to obliterate blocks and create dramatic change. She is a business, leadership, happiness, and inner game expert. She has overcome nearly dying, and the loss of her brother at an early age. She has made it her life mission to discover the keys to happiness and success and then share them with her clients and community. Learn More About Sheri