Do you ever get that nagging feeling that “something” is blocking you? And in order to get rid of that something, you have been studying, self-reflecting, and clearing, but despite your best efforts, that block is still there?

Today, I am going to bring up one of the most uncomfortable topics in human relations. What is the topic? Unconscious Envy.

There is a deep emotion that lurks beneath our conscious awareness and this is unconscious envy and it shows up like this:

• You look at your friend’s business and feel like you are so far away from achieving your goals and you stop hanging out with your friend or you make a mental list of all the reasons why she annoys you.
• You attend a networking meeting and as you listen, you feel like you don’t belong in the same group of achievers and you don’t attend another meeting because you feel inadequate; but you tell yourself that this is just the wrong group.
• You notice someone close to you has lost a lot of weight and you have gained a pound or two and you don’t compliment her.
• You know you can help and support someone but competitive thoughts get in the way and you don’t offer help or support.
• You find yourself looking for flaws in other successful people and/or being overly critical. (We see this quite a bit in the comment sections of social media).

Every day, we are presented with opportunities to feel like we don’t quite measure up. We have all had that experience. Some psychologists say that envy comes from resentment or is part of resentment- that feeling that life isn’t the way you want it to be.

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate.”

Carl Jung

Journal Prompt:

Who or what do I resent? What happened? Can I reframe this (think about it in another way).

I find that people react differently to this inevitable temptation to compare their lives to other people’s lives. Sometimes a person will give up an important goal, thinking that he or she doesn’t have a chance. Other times people react and engage in some sort of sabotage or self-sabotage.

The big reveal on unconscious envy is the habit/pattern of sabotage and obsessive thinking about resentments. The antidote to unconscious envy? Forgiveness, love, and gratitude.

Tips for More Forgiveness, Love, and Gratitude in Your Life

• Practice more empathy (put yourself in other’s shoes).
• Start by forgiving small things first
• Work through your feelings. Write in a journal. Talk with someone (a professional or good friend)
• Know you are forgiving for yourself. It is good for your health. Forgive yourself, too.
• Move forward with your life. What dreams are you working toward? Take daily action steps.
• Give sincere compliments.
• Practice kindness for yourself and others. 50 Ways to Practice Self Love from ShineSheets
• Practice kind self-talk
• Keep a gratitude list.
• Write a list that includes everything you love and appreciate about yourself.
• Reach out and spend time with positive people.
• Donate time, money, and/or your things to a favorite charity.
• Spend time with people who are doing what you want to be doing.
• Be a continuous learner.

Positive Reframe

My favorite reframed positive reaction is when people see great accomplishments and think, “if she can do it, I can do it, too. What do I need to learn or experience in order to achieve what I want?”

“At times, our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” 

Albert Schweitzer

The act of comparison can be disappointing or it can be an exciting challenge. If you are never around people who are smarter, better at something, or achieved more than you have, you slow down your own growth. The people who are able to transcend unconscious envy are the ones who experience explosive growth. These people will hang out with successful, accomplished people and truly appreciate them. They will learn from these people and they will also share their knowledge. Remember, you do add value, too. You have something great to share.

In fact, the mastermind concept is an example of people being willing to set aside unconscious envy and gather talented people so everyone can learn and grow from each other.

Sheri Kaye Hoff, is a Transformational Business Coach known for inspiring, intuition, vision, and massive action, and being a catalyst for personal and business growth, joy, and profits in a way that is fun, relaxing, and fulfilling. She uses both spiritual and practical techniques to obliterate blocks and create transformational change. Sheri is a business, leadership, happiness, and inner game expert. She has overcome nearly dying and has made it her life mission to share the keys to happiness and success. Learn More About Sheri